We all carry stories about ourselves – quiet narratives that live beneath the surface of our daily thoughts and actions. These stories shape how we see the world, how we relate to those closest to us, and often how we relate to ourselves. For many women, these inner stories hold powerful sway over our experience of love and motherhood.
Whether it’s the belief that ‘I must be perfect to be loved’ or the whispering doubt of ‘I am not enough’, these narratives influence everything from how we treat our partners and children to how we care for our own needs. The good news is that these stories are not set in stone. By bringing awareness to them, we open the door to transformation, offering ourselves a chance to rewrite the script and live more authentically and freely.
What Are Inner Stories?
At their core, inner stories are the deeply held beliefs and assumptions we develop about ourselves and the world, often beginning in childhood. They are formed through our earliest relationships and experiences and become the lens through which we interpret life.
Many of us carry quiet, painful beliefs that sound like: ‘I’m not enough,’ ‘I’m too much,’ or ‘I don’t deserve this’. These are often shame stories – the hidden narratives that tell us we are flawed or unworthy in some fundamental way. They’re shaped by family dynamics, cultural expectations, or the patterns we repeat to keep ourselves protected. But these stories aren’t truths; they’re old armour we’ve outgrown.
For example, many women carry the story that ‘To be a good mother, I must always put others first and never show weaknesses’. Or they may believe that ‘love means sacrifice, and if I’m not always giving, I’m failing’.
These stories might have once served a purpose – protecting us, helping us survive, or fitting into a social role. But left unexamined, they can become burdensome scripts that limit our freedom and dampen our joy.
How inner stories influence our relationships
Our relationships are often where these stories play out most vividly. Imagine a mother who believes she must always be perfect to earn her family’s love. This story might lead her to overwork, ignore her own needs, and eventually feel exhausted and resentful. Or a woman who tells herself she’s ‘not lovable’ might withdraw emotionally from her partner, creating distance born of fear rather than choice.
These stories shape our expectations, our reactions, and our patterns. They whisper in moments of vulnerability, colouring how we respond to conflict, affection, or simply being seen.
For many women, especially in motherhood, there’s a deeply ingrained belief that their professional ambitions should quiet down – that it’s noble, even necessary, to sacrifice career dreams for the sake of their partner and children. Even when those ambitions are still alive and loud within, society and the lack of meaningful support structures often reinforce the idea that a ‘good mother’ must choose family over self.
But the truth is, when we abandon this part of ourselves for too long, it doesn’t disappear – it re-emerges as resentment, restlessness, or even disconnection in our relationships. Our needs don’t just fade away because we ignore them. That’s why it’s essential to bring these desires into the open, within our partnerships and families. Rather than carrying the burden alone, we can invite dialogue, shared responsibility, and creative solutions. This isn’t selfishness – it’s a form of care that sustains love and connection for the long term.
Awareness: the first step toward change
Becoming aware of these inner stories is an act of courage. It’s not always easy to notice the unseen forces shaping our lives, but this awareness is the foundation for change.
Psychotherapist Carl Jung said, ‘Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate’. When we bring these stories to light, we reclaim the power to choose.
Journaling can be a gentle and effective tool in this process. Writing down our thoughts and feelings helps us slow down, observe our internal dialogue, and identify recurring patterns or beliefs. It allows us to become curious witnesses of ourselves without judgment.
Rewriting the narrative: creating freedom
Once we see our stories clearly, we can begin to question and rewrite them. What if the story of ‘I must be perfect’ could be replaced with ‘I am enough as I am?’ What if ‘love means sacrifice’ could shift to ‘love includes caring for myself’?
Changing our inner narrative doesn’t mean ignoring reality or becoming selfish; it means creating space for authenticity, self-compassion, and healthier boundaries. It means showing up in relationships from a place of truth rather than fear.
Sometimes, working with a coach can help – offering the accountability we need and helping us see the blind spots we might miss on our own.
Reflecting on your own inner stories
If you’d like to begin this journey of awareness, here are a few gentle questions to reflect on:
- What story do I tell myself about being a good mother or partner?
- When have I acted out of fear rather than love in my relationships?
- What beliefs about myself feel most true – and which might be stories I learned, not truths I own?
- How do these stories affect the way I treat myself and others?
- What small step could I take today to begin rewriting a limiting story?
Connecting to the bigger picture
Our inner stories are deeply relational – they’re shaped by and shape the ‘us’ in our lives. This is why working on ourselves is not an act of selfishness but one of profound care for those we love. The more we understand and nurture ourselves, the more fully we can show up in connection with others.
Finding the true song
Change isn’t about becoming someone new; it’s about uncovering who we already are beneath the stories that limit us. As author Parker Palmer beautifully puts it, ‘We must keep the music playing, not by running faster and faster, but by finding the true song in our own heart’.
May you find your true song today, and every day.
