What is the main principle of happiness and how to practice it in our lives, according to research?
Being happy – what is in our control?
Did you know that only 10% of our happiness is determined by the life circumstances. According to another research, 50% of skill to be happy comes from our genetics, and 40% comes from our life practices. This is such good news, as 40% is a big number of what we have a control of and therefore we can change and learn to be better at the ways we are doing life!
While 10% are controlled by the circumstances – this is where we place our materialistic aspirations and thoughts of “when I have this…I will be happy!”. Most of the time this little % of happiness of our being brings us a short-lived boost of joy and then it quickly wears off. After that we are back to our “factory” settings of who we are as a person. How many times have you been dreaming of a new car, new dress, new bag, and after having it for some time the happy emotions of having it disappear? And you are back to feeling as you felt before having it.
The G word
All the scientific research on happiness points that the most robust skill to develop to feel happy is gratitude. Feeling grateful brings us back to present and generates long-lasting happy feelings. While feeling envy of something and dreaming to have it, sends us to future and tricks us to think we can’t be happy now without it.
Envy VS Gratitude
Psychiatric research showed that personality pathologies, like borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder are fuelled by envy VS gratitude.
We envy and want more of something. We feel entitled to have something and when we don’t get it, we feel angry, disappointed, unhappy.
We are grateful for what we have now – we feel happy, at peace and can enjoy the current moment. It doesn’t mean that we can’t have goals and aspirations to achieve something. We can still be moving forward, but we will be moving forward feeling happy already, without attaching this feeling to something in future. Happiness is about being humble – it is not to feel entitled to have something, but if you get it, you are grateful it happened!
The paradox of happiness
There is another point to understand happiness is its paradox. We can’t feel happy if we make it a direct goal. If we are chasing that feeling, we won’t ever achieve it. The key here is to chase happiness indirectly. It’s not about searching for that feeling but doing things that make us happy and enjoying that process.
Happiness is not a destination, which we can achieve and keep. It is a lifelong journey to feel wholesome. If you are at a crossroad in your life, lost meaning or just looking to discover yourself, I am here to help. Life coaching provides practical and powerful tools to unpack what makes your life fulfilling, and brings you long-lasting feelings of happiness.
