Loving your body and practicing self-care can feel like monumental challenges in a world filled with unrealistic expectations and ingrained resistance. Many of us struggle to prioritise our needs, whether due to societal pressures, internalised beliefs, or a simple lack of connection with ourselves. Let’s explore the roots of these struggles and how we can move toward acceptance and self-compassion.
Why Don’t We Love Our Bodies?
I’ve rarely met women who truly accept and love their bodies. But first, let’s clarify: what does it mean to love your body?
Most of us have absorbed societal standards about how our bodies should look. These standards dictate height, weight, proportions, and even how we should age (or rather, not age – the recent movie “The Substance” shows it well). In striving to meet these expectations, we often focus on controlling our bodies out of fear — fear of gaining weight, looking “unattractive,” or not fitting in.
But love and control are opposites. Control stems from fear, while love fosters acceptance. If we approach our bodies with control, we lose touch with what they truly need. Instead of listening to their signals — the need for rest, movement, or nourishment — we override them with rigid rules.
The result? We disconnect. We start treating our bodies like objects, ignoring their signals, and judging them based on external metrics. But our bodies are wise; they communicate with us constantly. When we restore that connection, we naturally move toward balance — eating in alignment with hunger, enjoying movement because it feels good, and seeking care like massages or baths out of love rather than obligation.
The Resistance to Self-Care
Resistance to self-care often appears in subtle but persistent ways:
- “I don’t have time.”
- “I can’t afford it.”
- “What difference will it make?”
- “Only something extraordinary (like expensive treatments or elite experts) will help.”
These forms of resistance all stem from a common root: an undervaluing of ourselves. When we say, “I don’t have time,” what we’re really saying is, “Something else is more important than me.” When we dismiss simple self-care practices like mindful breathing, we’re expressing a lack of faith in our ability to heal or a distrust in accessible solutions.
For some, the belief that only the most exclusive options can help reflects a deeper shame. It’s as if being “ordinary” or “simple” is unworthy, so we seek validation through elaborate, costly, or prestigious means.
The Role of Early Experiences
Resistance to self-care often has roots in childhood. Many of us grew up in environments where our value wasn’t affirmed. Perhaps our parents’ needs overshadowed ours, or maybe no one in the family felt inherently valuable. In such conditions, caring for ourselves can feel foreign or even wrong.
The resistance isn’t inherently “bad.” It developed as a protective mechanism, shielding us from further harm or rejection. However, over time, it can become counterproductive, leading us to reject the very practices that would nurture us.
Many tell me, “But my body just wants to lie on the couch and eat candy!” Implying that without control, the body acts like a lazy child. No, that’s how an overwhelmed child behaves — one burdened with too much responsibility and stripped of all rights except the obligation to meet expectations.
We often use the body to compensate for deficiencies — including a lack of self-worth.
Overeating is the simplest form of pleasure. If we can’t feel good about ourselves through our inherent value or personal rights, we settle for the comfort of food. We need to identify what exactly we’re compensating for through our bodies.
Restoring Connection and Embracing Care
To rebuild a healthy relationship with your body and embrace self-care, start by observing your resistance without judgment. How do you react to suggestions for self-care? Do you dismiss them as impractical or insignificant?
Recognising that resistance doesn’t mean failure; it’s a sign of your history and protective instincts. Begin by gently challenging these patterns:
- Listen to your body. What does it crave? Movement? Rest? A nourishing meal? The more you tune in, the more natural it becomes to honour your needs.
- Start small. You don’t need elaborate routines or expensive tools. A few minutes of deep breathing or a walk in the park can be transformative.
- Challenge the “shoulds.” To restore connection with your body, you need to let go of the “shoulds” and “musts” and begin trusting it. Replace “I should do this” with “I deserve to do this.” Care for yourself not because it’s a rule but because it’s an act of love.
If you find it challenging to overcome resistance or address deeper wounds, consider seeking support through therapy or coaching. Healing is possible with effort and the right guidance.
From Resistance to Love
Body love and self-care aren’t instant transformations. They’re journeys of reconnecting, unlearning harmful patterns, and rediscovering your inherent worth. By prioritising your needs and listening to your body, you can shift from control and fear to acceptance and compassion — one small, loving step at a time.
